Truisms?

[Robodene]

1.            When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.



2.            To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.



3.            The age of 60 might be the new 40 but then 9:00 pm is the new midnight!



4.            It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.



5.            The older I get, the earlier it gets late.



6.            When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15

years ago.



7.            I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.



8.            I had my patience tested - and I'm negative.



9.            Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it will come back as a Tupperware lid that

doesn't fit any of your containers.



10.          If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare

straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"



11.          When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free.

It means I am doing nothing.



12.          I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.



13.          I run like the winded.



14.          I hate it when a couple argues in public, and Ive missed the beginning, so don't know

whose side I'm on.



15.          When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you

hear?"



16.          When you do squats, are your knees really supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an

aluminium can that is stuffed with celery?



17.          I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things, and get really

excited.



18.          When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east" or, worse, going west.



19.          Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring.  Rather, spend 30 seconds

in my head. That'll freak you right out.



20.          Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race,

and changes you forever. We call those people cops.



21.          My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb in a raffle. 

[Gdog]

Bloody brill Robo, awesome !! Funniest thing I’ve read in yonks, thanks for sharing.

[agrantg]

Excellent and shamelessly stolen.

[Matlock]

:rotflmmfao: All so true.

[dablik]

Haha very good

[Quartermaster]

Sadly I found myself ticking a lot of the boxes. Now where did I put my, oh sorry can't remember what I was looking for...................