It's A Joke

[dapleb]

My wife bet me £1000 I couldn't turn spaghetti into a car.



You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.

[dapleb]

Found out my wife was cheating on me today.



I asked her when she'd be home and she said "10-15mins max"



...my name is Steven!

[dapleb]

What do you call your mums angry French sister?



A croissaunt

[dablik]

Tonight were having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.                              

 

We found himalayan in the road.

[dapleb]

Lolzio.



My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.



So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.

This post was last modified: 03-09-2022, 06:00 AM by dapleb.

[Snowbird]

I seem to have developed a phobia of german sausage.

I fear the wurst...

[alanfavell]

An anteater walks into a bar. The landlord asks, "Can I get you a drink?"
<div>"Nooooooooooo"



"How about something to eat?"



"Nooooooooooo"



The landlord asks, "Whats with the long 'no's ?



"I was born with it."
 
 

<div>

Scientists definitively confirmed today that anteaters are incapable of contracting coronavirus.
<div>Apparently they’re filled with anty bodies.
</div>
</div>
</div>

[drewpy]

My son said," Dad when was the first time you fell in Love?"

I said," I was 18, I walked into a Bar and spotted the most Gorgeous Blonde I'd ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her."

He said," So what happened?"

I said," Nothing, the c*&t missed and hit your Mother".....

[dapleb]

When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo....I had to put my foot down!

[madmopedracer]

<div style="font-family:inherit;">I hear some weird human has taught his labrador to play the trumpet while on the London Underground.
</div>

<div style="font-family:inherit;">Apparently he went from barking to tooting in about an hour.
</div>

[marko67]

From the fringe fest.

 

Whats the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

 

 

 

 

Ones really heavy the others a little lighter...

[dapleb]

Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me.



I was like "what the Hellman".

[drewpy]

A bloke was sitting at the side of the road crying his eyes out, his dead hamster in his hands.



A fairy godmother asked him what the matter was. He said “I loved my pet hamster and it just died ”.



The fairy godmother said “Well I can’t bring it back to life, but I can suggest that you can make some good of the situation”. The bloke asked “How do I do that ?” The fairy
godmother replied “Go home put the hamster in a pan and add a bag of sugar. Heat the pan up stirring well and simmer for an hour. Allow to cool, pour it onto your garden and see what happens”.



 

The bloke did exactly as she suggested. The next day, he went into the garden and there were masses of daffodils everywhere! He ran back to the road where he’d seen the fairy godmother and she reappeared and asked the bloke how he’d got on. He said “It’s fantastic, there are daffodils everywhere!” The fairy godmother replied “That’s really strange, you normally get tulips from hamster jam!”

[dapleb]

On Monday we start diarrhea awareness week.



Runs until Friday.

[alanfavell]

Fekin USA can't spell for shit.... diarrho
ea

 

The red hole should help one remember......... :punishment:

[dablik]

:rotflmmfao:

[agrantg]

My mate's a chef and he has just crossed a potato with a sponge. It tastes crap, but it's great for soaking up the gravy.

[dapleb]

6 topless women sounds nice. Dozen tit.

[waynedear]

What’s the difference between acne and a catholic priest ?

 

Acne doesn’t usually come on a boys face until after he’s 12

[Snowbird]

What’s the difference between acne and a catholic priest ?

 

Acne doesn’t usually come on a boys face until after he’s 12

:rotflmmfao: :rotflmmfao: