It's A Joke

[dapleb]

Just broke two of my dad's old queen records.....now I want to break three.

[Snowbird]

A good woman is like a good coffee.

Often drunk in the morning.....

[Snowbird]

With the current heatwave just be glad it's not snowing!

Imagine shovelling snow in this heat!

[dapleb]

My wife gets angry that I keep introducing her as my ex girlfriend

[dapleb]

If your wife says she will be ready in 5 minutes she will be.



No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it!

[dablik]

how true.

[dapleb]

What kind of car does a jedi drive?



A Toy-Yoda!

[dapleb]

I've asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.



She's always wanted a night in, shining armour.

[dapleb]

Someone told me my clothes were gay.



I said yes, they came out of the closet this morning.

[drewpy]

Riding on the M1 yesterday I undertook a car from the Netherlands just so I could say that I 'passed the Dutchie on the left hand side'

[waynedear]

Man walks into a chemists, asks the man behind the counter for a packet of 3, ribbed, the man says “I’ll be needing those tonight, going to my girlfriends and I’m sure her sister and mum fancy me”.

”They are all hot, I’m going to smash the 3 of them tonight”.

That evening he goes round and sits down to dinner with the 3 ladies.

The husband/father comes in, the man immediately starts praying, his girlfriend says she did not know he was religious, the man replies “I did not know know your dad was a chemist”

[waynedear]

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.


<div style="font-family:inherit;">After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
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<div style="font-family:inherit;">The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
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<div style="font-family:inherit;">As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
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[dablik]

[dapleb]

Who is the greatest chicken killer in Shakespeare?



Macbeth... because he did murder most foul

[drewpy]

The fitness trainer asked me



"what kind of a squat are you accustomed to doing?"



I said, "Diddley"

[dapleb]

My friend was bragging that his 3D printer can print a gun.



I wasn't impressed. I've had a canon printer for years.

[ChrisG]

I woke up grumpy this morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I usually let her have a lie in.

[marko67]

I went to the doctor the other day and he told me I had to stop masturbating.

 

I asked him - why?

 

He said,- because I'm trying to examine you

[Studley Ramrod]

lol.

[madmopedracer]

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<div style="font-family:inherit;">Q: Why do Norwegian Warships have a barcode on the side? A: So when the come back to port, they can Scan-di-navi-an

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<div style="font-family:inherit;">Q: How does a Grizzly kill it's prey? A: With it's Bear Hands

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This post was last modified: 06-08-2022, 09:31 AM by madmopedracer.