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It's A Joke

dapleb
It's A Joke
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It's A Joke

dapleb

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Two cats are having a swimming race. One cat is called "one two three", the other "un Deux trois". Which cat won?



"One two three", because "un Deux trois" cat sank.
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peter-may

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Just got home from competing in the British house championships. I made the semis.
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!

04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
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dapleb

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They told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic but so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely.
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dapleb

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I was driving to the airport when I saw a sign that said "airport left".



So I turned around and went home.
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Snowbird

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I've always hoped that when my time is up I'll die peacefully in my sleep after a few beers just like my grandad did.

Not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus did.

Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.

Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
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dablik

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:rotflmmfao:

Bigred mk1 R1 Calipers- Braided lines- Givi wing rack-Crash bungs- Hi vis bullets-PR2's- and a hoot to ride.



Quad 900 Silver Laser duo tech pipes-Scott oiler-Engine crash bars- Radiator mounted see me ring LED's-Datatool system 3 alarm -Centre stand- Extender fender-Renthal bars-Handle bar risers-Mirror extenders-BMW GS Handgaurds-Acumen uprated horn & Nautilus-Stainless steel Radiator guard-Givi wing rack-OEM screen-Yammy touring screen-MRA Vario-MRA Double bubble cut down for fast as fk riding-Tiger screen-Tank protector-Stomp grip panels-Optimate lead   Gone to Heaven 
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1991 MK1 in need of some TLC watch this space   Smile Sorted and on the Road Mick  Tongue  Tongue it's the bike that Jack built  Wink Gone to Heaven  Wub
 


 
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peter-may

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Quote:I've always hoped that when my time is up I'll die peacefully in my sleep after a few beers just like my grandad did.

Not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus did.


Call me an anorak, but that is a bob monkhouse joke, and he said on tv, that it was probably the hardest joke to write and time correctly, that he had ever written..... I'll get me anorak...
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!

04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
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Snowbird

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Some of the best are bob monkhouse jokes.

Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.

Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
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dapleb

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What is a pumpkins circumference divided by a pumpkins diameter?



Pumpkin Pi!
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dapleb

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Today I saw someone waving and I wasn't sure if they were waving at me or someone behind me.



In other news I was fired from my lifeguard job.
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dapleb

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My friend keeps saying "cheer up mate, it could be worse, you could be stuck in a hole underground full of water"



I know he means well
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Snowbird

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Someone said my ring tone was offensive and I should change it, isn't anal bleaching expensive...

Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.

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alanfavell

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Took my son to an orchard  for an hour the other day ----- not the kind of apple watch he wanted


I used to be obsessed with snooker but I'm having a break

 

 

 

It's summer - I don't need a coat

<p class="bbc_indent" style="margin-left:40px;">Single-handedly reviving the Wave.



<p class="bbc_indent" style="margin-left:40px;"> 

<p class="bbc_indent" style="margin-left:40px;">2008 reg. Black TDM 900 ABS



 

 

 
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dapleb

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Haaa goodns.



What do you call a zombie that writes music?



A decomposer.
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dapleb

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I lost my wife's audiobook.



Now I'll never hear the end of it.
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Tishabelle

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Where would you find Michael Jackson at sea?



Bobbing up and down on a buoy
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dapleb

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Unfortunately my obese parrot just died.



But it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
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dapleb

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My boss asked me why I only get sick on workdays.



I said it must be my weekend immune system.
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drewpy

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i phoned the tinnitus helpline today

 

no-one answered, it just heard ringing

"As I Lay Rubber down to street, I pray for traction I can keep. But if I skid and begin to slide, please dear god protect my ride"

Mods; Oil pressure switch, neoprene rear inner mudguard, scottoiler, highway pegs,  fenda extenda, 1999 carbs and airbox, Kais suspension setup, later clutch springs, LED lamps, Metmachex swingarm, Hagon Shock, Oxford heated grips, 4 way fused accessory Bus, 17" 3CV front wheel, Michellin R6 tyres, GPS speedo, 5' ignition advance.
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dapleb

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My cousin was hospitalised after shoving 28 small plastic horses in his rectum.



Doctors described his condition as stable.
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