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It's A Joke

dapleb
It's A Joke
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It's A Joke

dapleb

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I lost three fingers on my right hand so I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it.



He said "maybe, but I wouldn't count on it"
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
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dapleb

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It's my wife's birthday next week and she has been leaving jewellery catalogues all over the house.



So I got her a magazine rack
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
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dapleb

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I just figured out why Teslas are so expensive



It's because they charge a lot.
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
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dapleb

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My wife has just phoned me to say 3 girls in her office have received flowers and they are absolutely gorgeous.



I said "that's probably why"
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
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dapleb

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Steven King has a son named Joe.



I'm not joking, but he is.
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
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dapleb

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I turned down a job where I would be paid in vegetables.



The celery was unacceptable
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
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Snowbird

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I visited screwfix.com and was most disappointed, I thought it was a dating website.

So I tried tesco's dating app instead and ended up with a bag for life.

Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.

Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
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peter-may

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I've just seen the neighbour's poor old, blind dog humping a cabbage in their garden. Poor bugger must have thought it was a collie.
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!

04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
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Snowbird

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12 Commandments for growing older

 

#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.

#2 - "In Style" are the clothes that still fit.

#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

#6 - "On time" is when you get there.

#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.

#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.

#9 - Lately, You've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.

#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.

#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age, and hope you never will.

And one more maybe the most important:

"One for the road" means peeing before you leave your home.

Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.

Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
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dablik

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One for the road  Lol yessiree.

Bigred mk1 R1 Calipers- Braided lines- Givi wing rack-Crash bungs- Hi vis bullets-PR2's- and a hoot to ride.



Quad 900 Silver Laser duo tech pipes-Scott oiler-Engine crash bars- Radiator mounted see me ring LED's-Datatool system 3 alarm -Centre stand- Extender fender-Renthal bars-Handle bar risers-Mirror extenders-BMW GS Handgaurds-Acumen uprated horn & Nautilus-Stainless steel Radiator guard-Givi wing rack-OEM screen-Yammy touring screen-MRA Vario-MRA Double bubble cut down for fast as fk riding-Tiger screen-Tank protector-Stomp grip panels-Optimate lead   Gone to Heaven 
 Confusedorry:
 

 

1991 MK1 in need of some TLC watch this space   Smile Sorted and on the Road Mick  Tongue  Tongue it's the bike that Jack built  Wink Gone to Heaven  Wub
 


 
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peter-may

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I call that an "insurance P"...just in case!!
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!

04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
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alanfavell

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+1

<p class="bbc_indent" style="margin-left:40px;">Single-handedly reviving the Wave.



<p class="bbc_indent" style="margin-left:40px;"> 

<p class="bbc_indent" style="margin-left:40px;">2008 reg. Black TDM 900 ABS



 

 

 
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Snowbird

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My doctor gave me a prescription for daily sex.

 

My girlfriend insists that it is for dyslexia.

Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.

Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
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dapleb

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Lolzio
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. "State of the art" he said, "it cost me a fortune".



I asked "what type is it?"



He said "two thirty".
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
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Snowbird

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An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.

"What's the matter old timer—never done anything wild in your life?"

The old captain snorted. "Yes, got drunk once and shagged a parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son!"

Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.

Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
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dapleb

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How did the hacker get away from the police?



He ransomware.
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
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Snowbird

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The wife said, "You haven't listened to a  word I've said, have you?"

I thought, what strange way to start a conversation with me.

Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.

Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
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dapleb

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Every morning I get hit by the same bike



It's a vicious cycle
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
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Snowbird

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I was told I could save money by eating roadkill so I gave it a go, it turns out I could make a few quid by selling his bike too.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.

Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
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dapleb

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Lolzio
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
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