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+--- Thread: Humor? (/showthread.php?tid=7752)
Humor? - TDMick - 16-01-2015
<b>I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.</b>
<b>After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely. </b>
<b>Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.</b>
<b>ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY". And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!</b>
<b>In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead</b><b>.</b><b>Â </b>
<b>Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth</b>
<b>A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?</b>
<b>Â </b>
<b>Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body? 'Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!</b>
<b>Â </b>
<b>The wife's back on the warpath again.Â
She was up for making a sex movie</b><b>Â </b><b>last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.</b>
<b>I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster. </b>
<b>My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off. </b>
<b>I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay"</b><b>Â </b><b>as she likes to call it.</b>
<b>After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.Â
But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better.Â
So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"</b>
<b>I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got</b><b> </b><b>downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves</b><b> </b><b>breakfast until 11:30. </b>
<b>Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last</b><b>Â </b><b>night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.</b>
<b>The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"</b>
<b>My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"</b>
<b>A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister."
"That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."</b><b>Â </b>
<b>A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this countryÂ
so that they can see their own doctor.</b>
<b>I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.</b>
Humor? - Catteeclan - 17-01-2015
<b>I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay"</b><b>Â </b><b>as she likes to call it.</b>
Â
<b> :rotflmmfao:</b><b>Â </b>
Humor? - jacko59 - 17-01-2015
Great thats my sat night off to a good start :rotflmmfao: