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+--- Thread: It's A Joke (/showthread.php?tid=884)
It's A Joke - Catteeclan - 17-12-2022
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 It's A Joke - dapleb - 17-12-2022
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible.
I guess that makes me an eighth-theist
It's A Joke - dapleb - 17-12-2022
"waitresss can i ask you something about the menu please?"
Waitress slaps me across the face.
"The men i please are none of your business"
It's A Joke - marko67 - 17-12-2022
At a couples counseling meeting in Dublin the speaker mentions that 85% of husbands don't know their wife's favourite flower.
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Paddy leans over to his wife and whispers "it's self raising, isn't it"?
It's A Joke - dapleb - 18-12-2022
I had a hen who could count her own eggs.
She was a mathmachicken.
It's A Joke - Snowbird - 19-12-2022
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It's A Joke - Snowbird - 21-12-2022
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It's A Joke - agrantg - 21-12-2022
The FDA in the US have just approved a drug for lesbians with depression. It's called tricoxagain.
It's A Joke - dapleb - 23-12-2022
And another new drug....
I want to create a product that's a laxative but also contains Advil for the pain.
I'll call it Ibepoopin
It's A Joke - ChrisG - 23-12-2022
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an ithberg.
It's A Joke - drewpy - 03-01-2023
I like the word dial, it's so laid back
It's A Joke - dapleb - 07-01-2023
Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed?
Because it would blow his cover.
It's A Joke - Snowbird - 08-01-2023
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It's A Joke - dapleb - 08-01-2023
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
Archeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.
It's A Joke - agrantg - 09-01-2023
Cowboys in the Wild West used to hang lanterns on their saddles to help find their way home. This was an early form of saddle light navigation.
It's A Joke - dapleb - 09-01-2023
Lolxio
It's A Joke - dapleb - 15-01-2023
Just got hospitalised due to a peekaboo incident.
They put me in the ICU.
It's A Joke - alanfavell - 15-01-2023
My mate's 4 yo son doesn';t know the Spanish for please......I think that's poor for four
It's A Joke - marko67 - 19-01-2023
Why don't blind people sky dive?
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Because it scares their dogs.
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What washes up on small beaches?
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Microwaves.
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An Army N.C.O. was about to start the morning briefing to all of his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the N.C.O. decided to pose
a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before,
and therefore, he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question; "How much of the act of sex is "work," and how much is "pure pleasure"?
A Captain chimed in with a 75-25% in favor of 'work'
A Lieutenant said it was probably about 50-50%.
A Warrant-Officer responded with a 25-75% in favor of 'pleasure', depending upon his
state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the N.C.O. turned to the Newbie Private who was in charge
of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young Newbie responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure, Sir."
The N.C.O.. a little surprised and as you might guess, said "And why is that soldier" ?
"Well, Sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them, Sir".
The room fell silent.
It's A Joke - Rallyist - 28-01-2023
Three lumps of tarmac having a drink in a bar ( this joke is pre Covid rules) One black lump, one red lump and one green lump. The black lump starts arguing with the green lump when the red lump takes him one side and says
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"Don't mess with him mate, he's a cycle path! "